Confessions of a Judgmental Mom

I was the mother of three young children in the early 90’s and boy did I have it all figured out. I knew that women should be home and not in the work place, I knew that breast was best and that TV’s were just boxes filled with evil trying to persuade my children to toddle down a path to h-e- double hockey sticks.

Can I just start with, “I’m sorry?”

If I ever “should” on you in those years, please forgive me.

By should-ing on you I mean:

  • You should stay home with your children.
  • You should nurse that baby.
  • You should, you should, you should…

Sorry. I will try not to should on you again. Sadly, should happens.  

Now that those children are grown, God gave me a second chance with Lauren. We adopted her at the glorious age of 2 and she’s 7 now. She’s my little do-over card. Although, there are times when she breaks out in song and instead of “hide it under a bushel- NO!” it’s “country girl shake it for me” that Mark and I drop our heads in shame and say, “we’ve ruined this one.”

It’s with this heart that I shared this week’s Real Mom of West Michigan segment on Star 105.7 with Tommy and Brook.

The recent hullabaloo about working moms vs. stay-at-home moms is an unfortunate one. At a time when women would really benefit from standing together, we’ve once again polarized by should-ing on each other. Sadly, both sides of this issue divides women and can hurt the hearts of those who are choosing what they feel is best for their family.

Age and experience may have a lot to do with my change is opinion. I no longer feel the need to validate myself by stomping on someone else’s opposing decision. I think my own insecurity is what fueled my militant stand and desire to tell other moms what they should do. There’s nothing wrong with strong convictions, but the only person that my soap box benefitted was me and my need for approval.  

I believe that all moms have a difficult decision to make in regards to working/staying at home, but it’s their decision. We can’t peer through the windows of another home and know what their needs are or what God has called them to do. But we can love our neighbor as ourselves and by showing that love, we represent Christianity the way Jesus did. Not with judgment but with grace.  

I confess that I was a judgmental mom, but I’ve come a long way baby. Some might not approve of where I am now (I probably wouldn’t have back then either) but there is so much freedom in loving others as opposed to feeling the need to change them. It’s really hard to sincerely love those that we’re trying to change.

What say you??

I do the ‘Real Moms of West Michigan’ segments on Star 105.7 with Tommy and Brook every Tuesday morning around 7:05 AM. If you are not in the West Michigan area you can listen on iHeart radio.
Click on the Star 105.7 tab to hear today’s segment.

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  1. chosenformore says:

    On almost a daily basis I read posts on fb and/or blogs about how moms "should" not work and a million reasons why and how I am messing up my child because I do work. This breaks my heart mopst especially because I have my own guilt and struggles as a working mom and I could really use some encouragement and love instead of accusations and opinions about my life. I believe we should keep our "shoulds" to ourselves and instead love on one another… thank you for posting this Sue it really touched this working mommy's heart ((hugs)).

  2. I've had the honor of being a working mom and a stay at home mom. And now I've made the decision to be at home again. Never judging others just doing my thing. One person told me that this is what one calls growth. Enjoy the journey.

  3. Heather says:

    Seems like this battle will be waged on many levels in the Christian world–working mom vs non working mom, private school vs public school, karate lessons (based on buddhism by the way) vs second language lessons… And we all pick sides.
    In truth there are many types of moms..moms who have to work, who can’t work, who have to send their kids to private school due to pressure from religions, kids who can be sent to public school and are scorned by the other side…etc…
    Scrap all the skwabbling and see the truth for what it is: Are you going to be a parent who parents via the Word of God or are you going to be the parent who lets our government institutions be the mommy and daddy? If you are the real parent and take your position with uttmost intensity–gaining wisdom on your knees from the Lord–who cares about the working sitations or private vs public. Us parents create the kids anyway! So let’s get on our knees FOR our children and the children they are around and let God do the work too! Only in a perfect world (i.e. wealthy) could all us moms stay home and dads just work 8 hour jobs. That might have worked in the garden of Eden…but not in GR Michigan! Stop making ignorant judgements on each other and help each other reach those goals that are in our hearts! Yes, there is freedom in just loving others. Period!