Insecurity and My Marriage

Originally posted April 2009


So ladies, who fills your cup?
Who or what dictates what kind of day you are going to have?

I spent a few years allowing the emotions of my day to be hinged on how my husband talked to me and treated me.
If I felt loved and accepted by him, it was a good day.
But if I felt I had let him down or he was angry or disappointed with me about something, it was a bad day.

I lived my life through his eyes. My security came from him alone.

I struggled with this until I learned that my esteem and security were supposed to come from my God. In fact, the way that I was living was putting a huge strain on my husband and our relationship.

I put him in a position that God never intended him to be…my all in all, my everything.

I found out that God wanted to be My Everything, and in fact it was wrong to put any person in that position in my life.

I let him and others dictate the mood and atmosphere of my life and home.
One negative look or comment could send my emotions spiraling down.

Thankfully, I was in a Bible study that set me on the right track. God’s Word taught me that my joy needed to come from my relationship with Him and that nothing and no one could take THAT joy away.

I learned to walk close to God and let His Word be my barometer.

1 John 3:1
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!

I was God’s child, His precious daughter. He loved me enough to send His Son to die for me. The more I learned about the Lord, the more I loved Him and understood His love for me.

This very insecure woman found security in God her Father. He became my All in All…and continues to make that so real to me everyday.

However, I still have days when I need to remind myself that my joy comes from the Lord and nothing or no one can take that away. I choose to walk this life…it won’t happen by accident.

I need to fill my cup with the Lord and His goodness so that I am not draining my husband and friends…wanting them to fill me. Blaming them for my bad days.

Lord, help us to find our joy and security in You and You alone. The other relationships in our life are so meaningful and rewarding, but they are not what sustains us, that is reserved for You.
Help us to run to you first Lord, fill us, and let us pour Your love into our families as it overflows from out hearts.

I’m praying for our marriages,

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  1. Have SOOO been there. Unfortunately have visited again. But like you, I've learned to recognize those times; turn and run back to my Savior.

    Great reminder. THANK YOU!!

  2. When my husband and I were in our crisis days, I remember a pastor telling me not to lose my joy. At the time, that was SO not what I wanted to hear. Now, I understand what he was speaking about – my joy in the Lord. And he was right; I needed that joy then just as much as I do now. And I know that my husband will never be able to be my all-in-all but it sure helps knowing that now I'm his number one priority (after the Lord, of course) and that now he looks for ways to bless me every day.

    And he does!

  3. Another terrific post!
    My recent post Feeding A Large Crowd? Stop By Getting Freedom.Net

  4. I"ve walked that same path…over the past 6 years (out of 15 in marriage) I have lived it for God alone. He is my EVERYTHING. period. He is all I need and He is MORE than enough. : )
    Blessings to you sister,

  5. Yes and yes, so very true. I did the same with my marriage for many years. Once I finally understood that my husband isn't responsible for my happiness and that God must be first above all things (and my husband realized the same) then our lives fell into proper alignment.

  6. Such an awesome place to live!

  7. Thank you Rona, all glory to God!

  8. It’s so good to look back and see what God was saying so we can learn and move forward! Thanks for sharing Annalea!

  9. Love you Kela!!!

  10. bluecottonmemory says:

    It was so liberating when for both my husband and me when I realized that I needed to find my sense of well-being from God and not him. What an excellent post. I think your message is one of the most important lessons needed in marriage.